


This is what it looks like when I try.

by The_Magic_Lava_Lamp



Category: The Stand - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:34:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28890708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Magic_Lava_Lamp/pseuds/The_Magic_Lava_Lamp
Summary: Lucy could only nod her head solemnly because--‘what the hell did a person say to the woman who had just attempted to steal her boyfriend and spent the last month undermining her under the façade of friendship??’ {A Jolene AU}
Relationships: Lucy Swann/Larry Underwood
Kudos: 2





	This is what it looks like when I try.

Last year Larry Underwood had seen his first real relationship crash and burn. 

January began with him stuck in the ‘Otto’s’ Gas station for an extra hour after his shift. Cleaning after closing sucked. 

The curse of being too jovial led his co-worker to hoping he could cover for him. Normally, he’d say no but Redman was a nice guy and it allowed Larry to sit and wonder if the new year would suck the life out of him too.

For the time being Larry’s only friend in the world was the Otto’s mascot; a large blow-mold like 3-D sign staring down at the only non-24/7 station in town. Otto the Orange Soda Bottle’s floating glove gripped the gas-pump nozzle with a sickly grin. He was just about the only boy in the college town that didn’t go bat-shit for the fizzy fruit that mixed well with plenty of acholic beverages.

Larry was passing time by staring up at Otto through the glass when a gentle tap alarmed him. A familiar dark haired woman stood at the doors. “Are you open, Larry?” She waved her hand in hello. Larry wanted to criticize her for missing all of their obvious ‘closed’ signs but found no energy.

“Closed.” He strolled over with an annoyed frown. 

The woman, Nadine Cross, nodded like she knew her luck was shot. She seemed severely committed to her bit. 

“Shit. Don’t know that I can make it to another station.” She pointed a sharp thumb back towards the lone car by pump number four. Larry stood atop his tip-toes to observe the dark vehicle. He glanced back at Nadine, unsure if he wanted to make conversation with a girl who’d broken up with him (‘If you could even call it that’) in September. 

Sure, they’d remained semi-friends since the split but Larry found the whole thing to be strained. For a while there, he was still in love with her and she didn’t seem to care...running around with some new guy. 

But then he’d met Lucy Swann and suddenly he didn’t really give a shit what Nadine was doing. 

“I’ll see what I can do.” He tapped the glass in a half-finished pattern as a goodbye, see-ya later thing but about not until about halfway to the phone did the girl decide to tap back; finishing the jingle for a neighboring carpet joint. It was vaguely odd. 

Mr. Felder, Alan Felder, advised Larry to help one last dollar if the kid was truly stranded. It occurred to Larry that Nadine could be faking...he turned back with the phone under his ear. "A little strange but she’s not threatening.”

He smiled at Nadine through the glass.

He got the go ahead to switch on the pumps, let the girl do her business and leave. But that all rested on the fact that Nadine was actually there for gas...

Most likely, she wasn’t. 

But Larry still strolled on over, unlocked the door and let Cross inside with a hesitant smirk on his face. She sauntered over to stand next to the row of air-fresheners and looked nothing short of pleased with Larry’s confusion. “Having a good night?” 

New Car Scent twitched on it’s metal rod as she flicked it absent-mindedly and Larry thought he could smell a hint of the blue tree. “Trust that my night’s been shitty.” He shook his head, passing by her violent presence at the forest of little trees to go back to his counter. “And it seems like it's only gonna get worse.” 

Nadine wasn’t phased. Her brutal personality seemed to be locked in the trunk while the jewel toned one had her hands on the wheel. “Always negative.” Her eyes rolled around like glass marbles. Her attention then moved towards the overflowing aisle of snacks, feet carefully maneuvering against the tile as if walking a tightrope. “Maybe I just wanted to talk, Larry.” 

“Oh yeah, What about?” He asked, unimpressed by her show of grace under the ‘Any size for just $1′ sign. 

“Us.” Clarifying Larry’s worst fear, Nadine’s busy eyes still blinked ‘No Vacancy’. For there was nothing different that he could spot, the woman had no room available for a partner just the same as she didn’t last month when they broke it off. 

“Can’t you be a normal person and just imagine this conversation happening in your head before you go to sleep?” Larry flicked his lighter open and pictured their last true conversation which had taken place on the curb outside of her house. Thank God she’d been getting rid of an ugly yellow couch at the time or else his ass might’ve froze to the concrete. 

“Mmmm.” Acknowledged but with no appreciation, Nadine moved closer. 

And Larry stepped back even further. He could almost see her November breath in the air. “Isn’t this all a little too high school, Nadine?”

She slammed her hand down on the counter. “Oh, trust you to invalidate my feelings.” Her scowl deepened but it didn’t intimidate him any. She slammed her palm to her forehead and grimly sighed. “Can’t I just come to you and say-” 

Larry hopped onto the stool behind him and leaned onto his knees. 

“Maybe I made a mistake, ok?” 

“Honestly, Nadine.” He felt his chest tighten as he sat up again. “You come to me with this now-?” A laugh escaped. “You look right through Lucy-”

Nadine dropped any sense of her previous gloom. “Lucy? Sorry to break up your ‘happy home’, Larry-”

“She’s my girl, Nadine.” The flat, serious tone coming from him seemed to jerk the woman into further rage. “I never seemed to have a real shot with you anyway and I made my peace with that.” 

“So maybe you didn’t then but now-” Nadine looked towards the freezers and swallowed softly. 

“Now, I have Lucy. Best thing to ever happen to me, Nadine-”

“Bullshit!” She burst, surprising herself. “She’s not for you.” Her heart nearly leapt from her chest. “You’re just living out some damn idyllic fantasy but it’s not gonna last, Larry! You’re not that kind of guy!” She broke to breathe. “You’re-...complicated and...” Nadine slowed to a pause, feeling ridiculous but desperate. 

Larry, who’d shared quite a few screaming matches with her previously, didn’t seem phased at all. “For a minute of my life, Nadine-a couple months, I thought I knew who you were. But I didn’t.” He shrugged. “And I am really fucking complicated. you got that right. But that’s about all you do know.” His eyes widened briefly. 

Nadine deflated a bit on her spot. 

“It took me about all my life, so far, to figure out that I could be a damn nice guy if I stopped wasting it being bitter at the world and thinking I was the shit. And you...” He gestured to her with a vague emptiness. “You came along and you were everything I wanted in a girl.” Larry shrugged, taking his hand away. “You were happier back then, Nadine. But our relationship obviously couldn’t sustain that for you.” Larry was sort of proud of that statement.

“How wise of you, Larry.” She was close to growling but her chest was nearly breaking from the pressure of her quick beating heart. She sniffled pathetically, in her eyes at least, and rolled her lips together. “I think you could make me happy now...” 

Larry softened a bit. “I’m sorry, Nadine but you wouldn’t make me happy.”

Nadine just about wanted to die. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

‘Don’t cry. Hold it in until you get to the car...take a deep breath-Oh fuck it..’

The soft rattling of the car keys breaking the strained silence of the night was what kept Lucy Swann’s composure. It was almost a metal heartbeat that she could silently count in her head to fuzz her focus away from tears-because Hell, she’d seen people do that shit in movies.

On beat twelve she burst into tears. Curling her aching body over the steering wheel she’d used to accidentally run over four orange cones during her drivers test. 

On beat sixteen she choked on the rush of air which flooded her lungs from a ‘relaxing’ deep breath. 

And on beat twenty...she stopped counting. Letting out horrible sobs that almost seemed to take up space in her tiny jeep. With every damn move she made, her ears rang because it was all...fucked.

Hissing to herself, Lucy sucked down her snot like a congested child and wiped her palms over her cheeks. Her vision blurred but her mind kept focused. It played scenes over and over like a stuck television. She swore she could hear the static but pushed that sickening illusion away while ripping her body up and to the right against the force of her seatbelt. 

Slowly she gave the car a little gas and--

Hard knocks of a fist ricocheted off the driver’s side window and Lucy nearly slammed down on the gas instead of the brake. “FUCK!” Her hands, shaking from anger, reached down to shift back to park. That was all the consideration she paid the damn blue jeep. Lucy grasped the door handle and shot herself clear from the seat and ignored the way the door clipped her skin when she closed it. 

“Jesus, Nadine?” Her eyes burned directly into the center of her chest, unable to meet her line of sight. But Nadine didn’t seem to hold that against her. No...because Nadine Cross was an infuriatingly clever angel. “What are you doing here? Did you want to talk to me about something?” She half-laughed. 

Nadine sloshed her feet in a puddle. “Seems like that, Luce. Sorry for catching you at a weird time. Were you-?” A smiled played at her lips before she thinned them out again. 

Lucy raised a brow at the nickname but continued shaking her hair out of a ponytail while Nadine shifted her feet into first position. She felt a reluctance to answer or to even bring up her boyfriend’s name in present company. 

“I was just on my way to Larry’s.” She gave in. 

“Judging by the tears...” Nadine vaguely gestured to Lucy’s puffed and red cheeks. “I can only assume he told you that I went over to Otto’s last night.” 

Lucy could only nod her head solemnly because--‘what the hell did a person say to the woman who’d just attempted to steal her boyfriend and had spent the last month undermining her under the façade of friendship??’ 

“We fought about it a bit...yeah.” She rubbed behind her ear, regretting being so openly vulnerable just then. “He wants to be your friend Nadine. But that’s all. And I just got a bit upset because...nevermind, it’s not important.” She shook her head. “I want to get along-I do.” Suddenly she couldn’t help but focus on the fact that she could still hear the radio in the Jeep. 

“I want that too.” Nadine moved with a grace that Lucy wished deeply to have. Her smile was big, more lip than teeth and strangely enticing. 

Frustration ignited in Lucy and traveled like fire through her veins. Her own ‘just being nice’ smile cracked, the left side breaking and sliding down her cheek...giving her a hysterical expression. “Do you?” She blurred an image of herself in her bathroom mirror from that afternoon over Nadine’s perfect figure as she stepped closer. “Because It didn’t seem like that last night.”

Nadine blinked, face twitching slightly and Lucy thought something was coming through before she came to believe she’d just guessed correctly now. 

“Why can’t we just...be friends?” She threw her arms out and slapped them down sharply at her thighs. “Sure, this charming civil charade is fun for you but no me, ok?” 

“I-...” Nadine opened her pouty mouth but clamped it down quickly. “I don’t know, Lucy. I wish I could tell you something, ok? But-” She pathetically waved her arm back. 

Lucy took the moment to softly walk over and finally look the woman in the eyes, a shy expression, not quite happy or sad, came over her face. “At odds or not...I’d listen to you if you wanted to talk about something.” 

Like a flickering flame, Nadine’s whole aura changed. “I have nothing to talk about, Lucy.” 

A road was blocked. Maybe permanently. 

Lucy backed off. “Well I do, Nadine.” She couldn’t help but laugh a little now as the anger bubbled up her throat again. “Perfect Nadine Cross.” She hummed, thinking of the brutal beauty which graced her presence now and the delicate voice that she spoke with. 

“Nobody said I was perfect, Lucy.” She said smartly. 

The burst of frustration felt like a migraine behind Lucy’s eyes. Her face scrunched up before easing into a glare. “Nobody has to.” She gaped her mouth in defeat, lifting her arm to vaguely gesture to the girl. “You’re everything I’m not...and you know what? I was crying because maybe I’m still afraid he might leave me for you!” Her footsteps were light against the pebbles as she wobbled back over. “Larry was in love with you.” Another shrug. “And worst of all, you’re the one who ended it all.” 

Her eyes narrowed. “But do you at least have the decency to leave him alone after walking away?” The question & it’s obvious answer hung in the air between them for a few minutes.

Nadine pursed her lips...thinking of the bandit, the heartbreaker & the trusted stranger who’d swept her away from Larry Underwood’s way of living. Randall Flagg was gone...but the tears shed for him were purely argumentative. 

Lucy’s eyes drowned in desperation. “Nadine...I love him.” She tripped over those words but it only enhanced the honesty behind them. “He’s a good man. I have faith--I do--that his love for me is stronger than what he still...” 

A small puff of fresh air sprang through Nadine’s lungs. “He still has-?”

Lucy’s eyes rolled instantly. “Of course. And I won’t hold that against him, Nadine.” She bit into her lip. “But how is he supposed to grow...to move on when you keep coming round with your leash and collar, huh?” 

Nadine’s strange, beautiful eyes flickered with emotion. For a horrible second, she appeared to be amused. Scaring every bit of strength out of Lucy Swann before her mouth thinned out again. 

“I’m tired of being scared that you’ll take him away from me.” She found her last bit of words and decided to run with them. “So please...I’m asking you to please accept us and move on...because I can’t love anybody else.” 

‘Neither can I...’ Nadine was faced with the proof just some time ago. And here now, was life giving her another reason to curse Jesus for being a Cross-maker.

Her fingers twitched, wanting maybe to reach out for Lucy’s...to ask for something she didn’t deserve but wanted. Earnestly and with a deep ache in her belly, Nadine wanted friendship. But what intruded her mind like an uninvited guest...thoughts of Larry. And how easy it might be to-with one hand stab Lucy in the back and the other choke the life outta Flagg who’d said love was only meant for the two of them. “I’m trying.” She choked out, looking off to avoid her-...Lucy’s reaction. 

Which was close to floored. She opened her mouth but Nadine found some sort of stream had burst. 

“This is what that looks like for me now, Lucy. It’s a fucked system.” Her throat burned and kept her words hot. “Don’t you think I’d like to move on-?” She choked herself up a little, pushing her nails into her bottom lip. “I try...I try to be a good person, Lucy but then...” Quickly swiping a tear from her cheek, she snorted down some mucus. “My mind just plays these awful scenes and I feel like they’re inevitable." Pausing, she took in her audience. 

Lucy Swann looked genuinely concerned. 

“I can’t explain it and really this is a tangent I didn’t plan to go on.” Nadine got the same feeling which usually came when she attempted to sleep off a headache. 

“How do you jump ship when it’s already sunk? Is that the kind of feeling?” Lucy came closer once more, holding out a hand as it began to drizzle. 

The tears burst suddenly and despite Nadine’s embarrassment and restrain, she took the hand and was pulled into a comforting hug. She wanted to scream and cry more than she wanted to be alive. Lucy was nearly knocked off her feet but managed to keep them both up, leaning back on her Jeep. 

For a strange moment, Lucy Swann wrapped her arms around Nadine Cross and rubbed circles onto her back. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey! I’m here-” 

Lucy barely had time to even think about finishing that sentence before Larry burst into his living room with a proud expression. “I made you dinner.” He sauntered over with a smirk. Lucy smelled his cologne and couldn’t help but lean into his chest and allow herself to be lead into his kitchen. 

“Red Bull and Cup of noodles?” She giggled as she shrugged out of her flannel. The priceless look of joy that Larry shined was far too contagious. “Oh, I love you.” 

“I love you too, Luce.” He gently pressed a kiss to her temple but didn’t pull away. Instead, he pressed his nose against her hair and took in a long breath to chase the scent of fresh linen that was just so Lucy. “You know that, Lucy?” 

Anxiety raced through her veins as memories of bowling on Sunday nights and flashing neon signs fled her mind. All she wanted was to be pulled deeper into her boyfriends arms but she stepped out of his strong arms. “I do. But...I know you still love Nadine too.” 

Larry stepped back as if he’d been slapped. “Oh, Lucy.” He started, reproachfully. Behind his eyes came visions of that September afternoon. That damn yellow couch and Nadine Cross dumping him like garbage on the curb. 

His gorgeous lover smiled sadly. “Maybe you gave her your heart and she stomped on it but Lord knows--” She turned her cheek and sighed “You have mine to fill that void.” 

His arms goosefleshed. So he reached out, gently cupped his palms under her elbows and shook her just a bit. “Don’t talk crazy, sweetheart.” His voice was steady and warm in her ears. Slowly, he pushed her arms up to wrap them around his neck and pushed their foreheads together. “Who’s the girl I sing about, huh?” 

Lucy chuckled, lips turning up in a smile despite the sad tone. “Me?” She opened one eye with a cheeky smirk. 

Larry laughed madly and rubbed their noses together. “And who’s the girl I want to fuckin’ marry?” 

When she stepped out of his arms then, the lowering sun was beginning to shower his living room with stunning hues of pink-golds. Her heart was beating so fast that she felt close to fainting. “Larry Underwood...are you serious?” 

His smirk resembled the famed Elvis Presley’s. “I can’t imagine lovin’ anybody else for the rest of my life.” He chuckled, an image of the man he’d been when Lucy first met him flashed in her head. He’d grown a lot since then. 

“How quick can those tears dry, baby-?” He swiped his thumb against her cheek and attempted to hide the slight stutter in his voice. “Cause seeing them is breaking my heart.” 

Lucy rolled her eyes with a gleaming grin. “So charming.” She mocked, passing him by and bumping her hip into his on the way to the kitchen. “Come eat dinner with me, you idiot.” 

Neither of them had ever been happier.


End file.
